I really love the above headline. It’s pretty much everything that’s wrong with everything.
They don’t write them much better than this: Rod Jetton, the former Missouri House Speaker who was charged on Monday with choking and beating his girlfriend after she failed to use the “safe word,” fired a state lawmaker from his committee chairmanship in 2007 after that man wanted to end a state ban on gay sex. In an op-ed at the time, Jetton attacked the man for wanting to allow “deviate sexual intercourse.” The safe word that Jetton’s girlfriend allegedly failed to utter was “green balloons.” (Talking Points Memo)
Someone hurt this man. Also, duct-tape his mouth first. What? I didn’t hear a safe word?
Want to meet the President at a fancy party? It’s easier than you think. No, you don’t have to donate a hefty fortune or be a VIP - just crash that sucker.
It seems that two partygoers at last night’s state dinner weren’t actually invited. A DC socialite couple were able to get into the party honoring Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, despite lacking invitations; the Secret Service, which says it will be looking into its security procedures, said that the President was never in danger, since the couple went through the same security screening as all the invited guests. The couple, identified as Michaele and Tareq Salahi, consists of a hopeful reality TV show star (Michaele is said to be hoping for a spot on an upcoming Real Housewives of DC) and the man who founded “America’s Polo Cup.” The service learned about the gatecrashers thanks to journalists asking about the revelers online boasts and the photos on their Facebook page. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn were not available for comment. (The Daily Beast)
Real Housewives, you snatch that girl up - she’s clearly the type of insane you’re looking for. Anyone who tries to sneak into a party with armed guards, and then brags about doing it, deserves to be amongst others as nuts at themselves.
My favorite part of this story is not the ridiculous information, but that it comes from The Financial Times … *Shaking head* Are the times really this tough?
Sarah Palin and Robert Pattinson: What do they have in common, besides the letter P? Hair. Lots of gorgeous, flowing hair, styled to perfection, writes Vanessa Friedman in the Financial Times. Big hair is making a big comeback, she says. Usually, short skirts and tall hair are signs of economic boom times, as so gloriously evident in the 1980s. It could be that this holiday season will mark an economic recovery, Friedman writes, or maybe we’ll feel nostalgia for those easier times. But this era’s big hair is different from the styles of shoulder-pad times—this hair moves. It’s seductive. It’s subversively touchable. It advertises a “Samsonian symbolism” that says, “I can grow this—imagine what else I can do.” And yet, Palin and Pattinson don’t hide all the work that goes into their manes’ artistic swoops and flips. It “speaks to our current desire for transparency, fiscal and otherwise.” (Financial Times)
Holy hell, if the only way to escape this financial crisis it to to go through the ’80s all over again, then it’s not worth it. I swear, I’ll jump out of this building right now … just like they did in the ’80s! Oh no, it’s starting already!!!
What? Lou Dobbs and CNN did not part ways amicability as was previous stated? I’m shocked! … (ps. I’m not really shocked)
Dobbs gave his first post-CNN interview on Monday night to Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, where the cantankerous newsman described himself as “recently emancipated” and toyed with the idea of running for office in New Jersey. O’Reilly lobbed the biggest bombs during the segment, and Dobbs gamely agreed to characterizations of being “demonized by the left.” CNN dropped him, he says, because he didn’t fit in with the Obama era: “I discern more of a difference between then, which was under the Bush administration whom I was criticizing, and now, when it is the Obama administration and an entirely different tone was taken,” Dobbs said. The pair ended the segment with a promise to keep Dobbs around as a “semi-regular guest” on O’Reilly’s show. (The Huffington Post)
Oh wow, is that the guest spot of a lifetime. You’d be among other highly regarded “semi-regular guests” like Satan, A Box full of Evil Weasels and That Shifty Eyed Dog. Congrats Lou.
They say the rich are insaine, but really Rupert Murdoch…really?
We suppose this means Glenn Beck won’t be fired anytime soon: News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch defended comments by Fox News host Glenn Beck that President Obama is “a racist” with a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” Talking to Sky News Australia, Murdoch said, “That was something which perhaps shouldn’t have been said about the president, but if you actually assess what he was talking about, he was right.” (The Business Insider)
As one who often enjoys assessing the bat-crap crazy that comes out of Glenn Beck’s mouth, I’m pretty sure you’re wrong, Mr. Murdoch. But hey, what do I know. You’re the billionare and money always equals truth. Always.
Sarah Palin may have finally had it with all the idiotic things she says showing up on YouTube…
Sarah Palin may believe in a right to life, but she does not, apparently, think there is a right to cellphones: Attendees of Sarah Palin’s speech on Friday night to the Wisconsin Right to Life will be unable to carry cellphones, cameras, laptops, or recording devices. The press will also be barred from attendance. Tickets to the event cost $30. “You know, for someone who claims to be a rogue and isn’t afraid of what other people think, it really is sort of hypocritical to not let the media, the press cover your event,” said Wisconsin Democratic Party Chairman Mike Tate. The state’s Republican chairman said he was excited for Palin’s visit, but stressed his party has nothing to do with the limitations. (Political Ticker)
My favorite part is that Sarah’s barred recording devices AND the media so there’s no way for her information to now get out. I mean, it’s not like the attendees can just tell everyone what she said or anything.
THIS JUST IN: Sarah Palin, realizing the attendees can just tell everyone what she said, has bared anyone from attending. Sarah will not be speaking to a packed room full of folding chairs. Hot damn, she’s on the road to The White House.
Did you ever want to go name-by-name down a list of people who go into The White House, just so you can jump to an unconfirmed conclusion. Well, now you can, thanks to a Freedom of Information Act request! … What, you say you actually have a life and perhaps this might be an insane waste of time? Well, um, who needs you anyway.
The administration has released a list of 500 people who have stepped foot inside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue since Obama’s inauguration. Pundits jumped when a “William Ayers” showed up among the guests, but it turns out Ayers is among a group of the list’s “false positives”—visitors with famous names who are actually someone else, including Michael Jordan, Jeremiah Wright, and R. Kelly. The release of the list of visitors feels tame after this week’s investigation that named political donors who have gotten access to Obama and the White House grounds. Powerful lobbyists, big-time Democratic fundraiser George Soros, and Oprah Winfrey were all revealed to be among the White House’s visitors between January and July. A Freedom of Information Act request from news and ethics organizations prompted the list’s release. The administration started collecting names earlier this year and will be releasing them every 90 days, signaling a new age of transparency—though some names are still kept under wraps according to the limited exceptions clause. (Talking Points Memo)
Are you really trying to tell me there’s more than one R. Kelly out there. I don’t think I can handle that news this early in the morning.
Would you hire a former-governor, maverick, all-nonsense, smiling, insane Vice Presidential-hopeful? If you picked the obvious answer of, “Yes,” now’s your chance!
Sarah Palin has posted her resume to LinkedIn, the professional social-networking site, and she’s interested in “job inquiries.” Her credentials include “Governor, State of Alaska” from December 2006 to June 2009, and “Vice Presidential Candidate” from “2008-2008.” For her education, Sarah Palin only lists the University of Idaho, though she attended four other universities before earning her degree. (The Huffington Post)
I think Sarah Palin would be a great employee, just keep her away from the press and you’ll be fine… Oh, and state troopers… and moose… and Russians… and basically anyone who can hold a lengthy conversation. But if you do that, you’ll be swell.
There are so many things wrong with this story: A swastika…carved next to Obama’s name…on a golf course…in Massachusetts? This sounds less like anarchist vandalism than it does a bad piece of expressionist art. And you know how much I hate expressionist art! *shaking fists*
This ought to throw off one’s short game: The Secret Service is investigating a swastika found carved next to Obama’s name on a golf course in Lakeville, Massachusetts on Monday. Lakeville Country Club owner Gary Mosca said groundskeepers found the letter ”I,” followed by a swastika, and “Obama” chiseled next to the 18th hole in a layout similar to “I heart New York.” Mosca’s home is a few hundred yards from the 18th hole but he didn’t see who carved the 20 by 30-foot symbols, and the markings were made in an area without surveillance cameras. “They are going to do this stuff and cause a problem just to be anti-establishment or just to be tough guys. Their minds are probably demented enough to think of anything,” Mosca said, adding, “I love the president. I think he’s a great guy.” (Boston Herald)
Me too! And I like golf courses and Massachusetts! … it’s just swastikas I’m really REALLY not crazy about. Seriously, vandal, why did you have to ruin so many good things. Not cool…
Look, I know there are some very strange people out there, but apparently someone, no, multiple people’s fetish is to watch women crush tiny animals? And the Supreme Court had to deal with it? My, my, what has the world come to:
The hypotheticals were both amusing and disturbing at the Supreme Court’s Tuesday hearing on the constitutionality of a ban on videos that depict animal cruelty. The law, created in response to “crush” videos—a fetish genre featuring barefoot or stiletto-clad women crushing small animals—forbids any recording “in which a living animal is intentionally maimed, mutilated, tortured, wounded, or killed.” In a surprise twist, conservative Justices Scalia and Alito seemed to take opposing positions: Scalia pointed to the interests of free speech, asking “What if I am an aficionado of bullfights and I think, contrary to the animal-cruelty people, that they ennoble both beast and man?” Alito, on the other hand, explored the limits of government leniency in the face of extreme barbarism: Imagining if human sacrifice were legal somewhere abroad, Alito commented, “People here would probably love to see it. Live, pay per view, you know, on the Human Sacrifice Channel”—not to mention the potential for the “Ethnic Cleansing Channel.” (The Wall Street Journal)
This is how you get the job as a Supreme Court Justice. The first question on the application is, “Can you make light of horrible situations.” You can? Welcome aboard, Mr. Chief Justice.
