When aliens come to Earth, are you going to be ready? No you will not! But you know who will be? Denver. Yes, Denver, Colorado, a city that knows how to use it’s tax dollars.
When Denver residents go to the polls in 2010 they will be faced with a new referendum: whether or not to form an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, dedicated to figuring out the best way to welcome aliens if they arrive on earth. A self-described entrepreneur, Jeff Peckham has gathered the necessary 4,000 signatures required to have the issue brought to the 350,000 voters in Denver. “What would a commission demand of us as a city? Do they want to go to a conference on Mars?” asked Councilman Charlie Brown (real name, we swear). “We’ll pay for a one-way trip.” Residents reacted with skepticism, worried the vote would tarnish the Mile High City’s grounded reputation. (Los Angeles Times)
Oh please vote yes on this Denver. Please, please, please. Then you can sit around wondering if aliens would like to be greeted with a bouquet of daffodils or a Mrs. Fields cookie basket… But, for the record, aliens hate dessert. Fact.
Think you’ve got some humps in your day? Well, you’ve clearly never been to Aulstralia.
A small town in Australia is seeking a bizarre solution to a bizarre problem—a sudden herd of “marauding, wild camels.” Northern Territory, Australia, has been overrun by 6,000 camels in the past few weeks, the result of a recent drought and a lack of water available to the animals. The herd far outnumbers the town’s population of 350, and officials are calling the situation “very critical” saying that it requires “urgent action.” The proposed solution—rounding up the camels with helicopters, leading them into the desert, and shooting them—has been met with resistance by local animal rights groups. “It’s a terrible thing that people react to these events by shooting,” said the executive director of Animals Australia. The camels have already caused significant damage to water tanks, fencing, and other personal property in the town, as well as contaminating the local water supply. (Guardian)
Harsh, Australia! There’s got to be a better way to sooth those camels. My suggestion: give them cigarettes. It’s clearly the coolest way to calm down after a hard day. Hell, you even already know their brand.
Look, I know there are some very strange people out there, but apparently someone, no, multiple people’s fetish is to watch women crush tiny animals? And the Supreme Court had to deal with it? My, my, what has the world come to:
The hypotheticals were both amusing and disturbing at the Supreme Court’s Tuesday hearing on the constitutionality of a ban on videos that depict animal cruelty. The law, created in response to “crush” videos—a fetish genre featuring barefoot or stiletto-clad women crushing small animals—forbids any recording “in which a living animal is intentionally maimed, mutilated, tortured, wounded, or killed.” In a surprise twist, conservative Justices Scalia and Alito seemed to take opposing positions: Scalia pointed to the interests of free speech, asking “What if I am an aficionado of bullfights and I think, contrary to the animal-cruelty people, that they ennoble both beast and man?” Alito, on the other hand, explored the limits of government leniency in the face of extreme barbarism: Imagining if human sacrifice were legal somewhere abroad, Alito commented, “People here would probably love to see it. Live, pay per view, you know, on the Human Sacrifice Channel”—not to mention the potential for the “Ethnic Cleansing Channel.” (The Wall Street Journal)
This is how you get the job as a Supreme Court Justice. The first question on the application is, “Can you make light of horrible situations.” You can? Welcome aboard, Mr. Chief Justice.
